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Help! My Child Dislikes School
Ask the Experts: How can I help my kindergartner? She doesn't like school at all.
By Dr. Susan Goldman, Psychologist
Question: We have a kindergartner who does not want to go to school. She did not want to go from day one, and it is not
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getting any better. She does not like to sit still for very long, and she doesn’t like to color or read. What can we do to help motivate her?

Answer: By the time they have started kindergarten; many children are “old hands” at separating from their caretakers and spending several hours in school, especially if they attended preschool. But your daughter may still be struggling with spending time away from home. Perhaps she did not attend preschool or attended preschool for fewer hours than kindergarten requires.

If she successfully navigated the separation in preschool, think about what is different in this situation. Your daughter may be distressed by a longer day, more students in the class, or the loss of a favorite teacher or group of friends. It may be helpful to discuss these thoughts with her teacher and come up with a strategy to help make the transition to kindergarten easier. This may include a brief period of shorter school days as well as rewards of a favorite activity for school attendance and participation.

Your daughter may also be reacting to the transition from preschool to kindergarten as the demands on attention and visual motor skills increase. It may be helpful to speak with the teacher or spend some time observing your daughter in class (if this is not too disruptive) to get an idea if she is struggling with these demands. During the past few years, school systems have stepped up the pressure on the kindergarten year in terms of reading readiness and other skills. You may be able to practice these new skills at home to help her feel more comfortable in class.

Dr. Susan Goldman is a New York City and Westchester, NY-based child and family psychologist in private practice. She is also on staff at Social Bridges, a social skills program for children and adolescents located in Florida and New York.

Advice from our experts is not a substitute for medical or other professional advice and services from a qualified health-care provider familiar with your unique situation. We recommend consulting a qualified professional if you have concerns about your child's medical or emotional condition.

January 2006

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Comments From GreatSchools.net Users
04/22/2008:
"My daughter says she hates school and we have a battle everyday just to get her to go to school. She was in preschool for two years but kindergarden started she has been difficult and even 'fakes' illness sometimes. She doesn't get into trouble and seems to be doing well when she's there. She doesn't seem to like her teacher/paraprofessional. The class has an approximate 60-75 minute rest period. If she is like this in K won't it be worse as she goes on to first, etc.? Help!"
03/24/2008:
"reply to: 02/17/2006 I would suggest to question the school and the teacher first before questioning the child's ability and focus in the classroom. I always remind myself a statement from the movie 'Sound of Music' when Maria asks 'what's wrong with the children, Sir' after learning that they changed several governesses in a short period of time. The father's answer is: 'THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN, ONLY THE GOVERNESSES!'.I strongly believe that this is the case in most of the classrooms today. Teachers do not want to wor hard perhaps because they do not have the right training, are lazy or simply do not know how to."
03/24/2008:
"My daughter use to enjoy school but now she is constantly complaining, she fill bombarded with homework Spring break alone she was sent home with 22 pages. the whole class usually misses recess about twice a month and the teacher has also punished them by having them miss computer lab. they do no crafts only some coloring which bores hers. i understand my daughters fustrations i would like to find a way to encourage my kindergartener to go to school despite all her hardship."
03/20/2008:
"i keep on reading the suggested solutions for children not wanting to go to school and all of them sort of put the 'blame' on the child. Perhaps there is a teacher problem, perhaps the teacher is not just and shows a great deal of favoritism, perhaps she scolds and judges the child which the child naturally does not want to tolerate?? why doesn't anyone cover this aspect of school dislike and how to resolve that problem????"
09/27/2007:
"My son just started Kinder this fall and is a bit reluctant to go every day. I have found that using a positive reinforcement chart. Like a sticker at the end of each good day has helped a lot. When the chart is filled at the end of each week, he gets a prize."
08/30/2006:
"I think that maybe this mother should consider holding her child out of kindergarten for another year. One more year could make all the difference. The problem could possibly be that she is simply not ready for kindergarten yet. I say keep her home one more year. During this time she should definitely attend preschool at least part time. The preschool could help her to learn to adjust to a classroom environment. I started my son in kindergarten a year late for the same reason. He did not want to go and was going to be one of the youngest kids in his class. He is now 17 and starting his Junior year. He is doing great in school."
08/15/2006:
"I had the same problem with my daughter. She will cry every morning and we always had to force her to get into the car. One day, I decided to take her to her doctor and he suggested therapy for her. She is still attending therapy one a month until the new school year(2006-2007)starts. Therapy has helped her very much and now she is excited to return to school."
02/17/2006:
"I have these similar problems with my 5 year old son, who is also in kindergarten. He doesn't always want to go to school. He has been getting in trouble lately with his teacher because he will not pay attention in class. The teacher had to move him from his assigned table in class and put him to sit by himself so he can focus during class and not bother the other kids at his table. He's also been trying to bite other kids. I don't know if he's doing this as his defense against the other kids that are bothering him or teasing him for whatever reasons. He is the youngest child in his class. His birthday is on Sept. 1 which is the last day for the age cutoff for all schools. He entered kindergarten at the age of 4 because school started in August before his 5th birthday. His teacher said that maybe because he's younger than the other kids in his class, he still acts like a baby and probably has trouble relating or fitting in with the older kids. I see this as a problem he's al! ways going to have to face as he goes throughout his school years. He has been warned that he will be sent to the principal's office if he doesn't stop misbehaving in class. Also he is not up to speed with certain learning skills that the rest of the class knows, for example, he does not know the sounds for all of the letters of the alphabet, and cannot remember to count up to or past 30, we try helping him at home as much as possible and he's shown an improvement with us when we use the flashcards and when we talk out loud by making the sounds of the letters and identifying the letters to words of food, objects, and other things that he sees and says everyday. I do not want to know that he may have to repeat kindergarten again. He can learn, he just needs more one-on-one basis interaction. He does not always do well in the classroom as a whole with the other kids when it comes to learning and focusing on what the teacher is saying. I try to give him as much of my time as p! ossible at home to help him but it is hard, especially when I ! have to work full-time everyday. Do you suggest that I get him tutoring as soon as possible? This may help him in time to improve and be re-tested by his teacher to see if he can move on to first grade. Please advise as soon as possible. Thanks."
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